Hell's News Monthly

February 2007 Edition

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 04:03:50 GMT

Here's the February 2007 edition. We're hoping we've banished the internet imps that like to mess us up, but if you have any trouble with it, feel free to curse the imps in the comments.

Send Your Demonic Love (Or a "Screw You" Message to Your Ex)

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 16:54:44 GMT

We're planning a special Personals section for the February edition of Hell's Newsletter. Please send us your messages of love, your "screw you" message to your ex, or your "looking for love" messages (they can be to/from demons or any sort of supernatural critter, our readers include ghosts, vampires, wendigos, shtrigas, rakshasas, etc.). You can e-mail them to kripkeeeper@gmail.com or post them as comments to this message (we'll be screening the comments so as not to ruin any surprises).

January 2007 Edition

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 03:48:38 GMT

Click on the image to access the full edition.

December 2006 Edition

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 01:19:32 GMT

The December 2006 Edition, hot off the presses!
For the full version, click on the cover. Exerpts in the entries below.
(May have difficulty opening link if you use Firefox, the imps got into the servers again!)

Dead-lines

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 00:03:42 GMT

It's time for the annual Holiday Issue of Evil.
Have any tips on the best way to kill Santa or how to turn a menorah in to a flaming centerpiece of destruction?
Need any advice on whether or not it's a good idea to get your sweetie a Hellpuppy for under the guillotine?
Have any pictures of your last holiday gathering?
Tell us, ask us, and send 'em in! The address is kripkeeeper@gmail.com, please remember the guidelines.
The deadline is Midnight (CST) December 17th for the Dec. issue which should be out sometime around the 25th. (Barring major disaster.)

It's more fun being evil than merry, isn't it?

Possession 101

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 04:31:44 GMT

Possession 101

Today’s tip comes to us from a clever little Loa down in Texas, who takes this time to remind us all: Location. Location. Location.

Dear, Hell's News Monthly,

I was trapped in this little Louisiana hovel, and after all of the hurricanes, and politicians, and celebrities on missions, I. Was. Done.

Finally, I was summoned to a Priest who didn’t quite have his act together, and I was in for good. I’d heard that real estate in parts of Texas was selling very well, so I sold the Priest’s house and headed west.

I bought a nice little three bedroom, 2 bath, brand-new construction in Austin, and viola! The house has appreciated nicely in value, the neighbors are quiet, and the garden in the backyard is just the perfect size to hide all the bodies. I even have an entire room dedicated to my rituals and sacrifices. It’s perfect!

While there isn’t quite the volume of homeless to choose from for my major sacrifices, I’ve more than made up for it in Deals. You wouldn’t believe the number of musicians in Austin willing to swap their souls for a few years of fame and fortune.

I’ve also made nice little deal with a Succubus trying to unload a rental property. After we close on that, I’m inviting all my friends out here to join me!

I never would have had this if I had possessed someone who had to say in Louisiana. I highly recommend possessing someone of means who can relocate. You, too, can be as happy as I am.